The Songfic Series
by Ally823
Summary: Just something for me to work on until I can find my muse. Title says it all, really. Knowing me, most will be based around Sam.
1. What Hurts the Most

**Title: **_The Songfic Series_

**Summary:**_ Just something for me to write until I can find my muse._

**Disclaimer:**_ I own none of the songs or any part of _Stargate SG-1 _that you recognize._

**A/N:**_ Some of these will end up being Sam/Daniel. A few won't have a ship but the rest will be S/D implied. I'll warn you of any pairings beforehand. The first is a kind of redo of one of my other fics._

* * *

**Song: _What Hurts the Most_**

**By:_ Rascal Flatts_**

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(Quick warning: This will be S/D implied)

_I can take the rain  
On the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then  
And I just let 'em out  
_

Thunder rumbled overhead like a giant bass drum. Droplets of rain attacked the dark and seemingly empty house.

Inside, Samantha Carter was still sitting at her table in the pyjamas, holding a cold cup of coffee, and staring at her hands, which were loosely wrapped around her mug.

The past week had been the hardest she had probably had to endure. Except when her mother died. That had been pretty difficult, too. It was times like this that she prefered the solitude of her house while the rain gently pounded on the roof and the thunder occasionally boomed. It was like the weather was in mourning as well.

It was hard to believe that Daniel had died only one week ago. To her it was an eternity.

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again  
I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me_

She absentmindedly ran a finger along the handle of her mug. It was hard for her to figure out if she was unable to cry because she knew that it was well past noon and that General Hammond would probably send Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c to check up on her or if it was because this was a time she actually needed to cry.

If the colonel and Teal'c came, she knew she couldn't show how upset she was. They expected her to be Major Carter: the strong soldier-scientist who never cried, not even when her best friend just died. When was she allowed to be herself; when could she just be Samantha Carter? It must have been so easy for them to forget that she had emotions, too.

The colonel couldn't understand. He wasn't good with his emotions. Sure he would hug her as she cried but she didn't know if he could truly understand.

Teal'c just saw this whole thing as something to celebrate. She didn't give a damn how hard Jaffa strived to ascend; she just wanted Daniel back!

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  
_

Why didn't she do it? Why didn't she tell Daniel how she really felt? She had been so close. _"I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I just hoped you always knew."_

He hadn't known.

It hurt to know he hadn't stayed around long enough for her to tell him. Instantly, Sam berated herself. It wasn't entirely his fault his life was decreased to a few pathetic hours. It was her fault for procrastinating.

Her love for him had snuck up on her. It didn't happen in a second. It wasn't at first sight. It just happened, and she had no idea how she would be able to tell him. Eventually, she had just buried those feeling in the hope that, like for the colonel, they would just fade.

It took her one week to realize how much she needed Daniel. How much she depended on his being there. He was someone she could cry in front of. It was so unfair that the one person she needed most was the one person she couldn't have.

_It's hard to deal with the pain  
Of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile  
When I see our old friends and I'm alone_

The halls of the SGC still echoed with his presence. How could they not? He was the one who made it all happen. Without him, the SGC would never have become what it was today.

The other day she had gone to his office only to find Jonas watching The Weather Channel instead of Daniel hunched over some artifact with an obscure dialect. The reminder almost made her break down.

That was a couple hours before a mission briefing. Sam had to walk into the room and act as if nothing was wrong. Everyone bought her cheery act. Daniel would have seen right through it.

_Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away  
All the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

Lightining flashed, briefly illuminating the kitchen. The thunder that followed rattled her windows.

A second of guilt flickered through her stomach but it was quickly gone. She was supposed to go on another mission today. The second one in a week. How could General Hammond not give them any time to grieve?

She didn't care. Today she was going to stay home and mentally kick herself over what she didn't say. God, why hadn't she been able to tell Daniel how she really felt about him? There was so much she wanted, how she _needed_ to tell him and she just...couldn't.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

Suddenly, her hand jerked and the coffee flew off the table. The mug shattered on the floor and the cold liquid spattered. She tightly clenched both of her fists, fighting the onslaught of tears. Stumbling off of the chair, she crawled into a corner of the counter and sobbed.

_Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do_

Against the wall, light from a truck pulling up in her driveway flashed but didn't register. He was gone. Why him of all people?

Between gasps, she managed to choke out, "I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't..."

A warm and gentle breeze caressed her face. _"I love you, too," _it seemed to whisper.

* * *

**Eh...it's not as bad as the other one but you can tell someone wasn't helping me out.**

**So, what did you think: Good? Bad? What do I need to improve? I have plenty of time to use any advice I receive 'cause I've got enough songs ;-)**

**Or, (yes, this question again) should I just kill it?**


	2. Who's That Girl?

**This is based off of e-mails of conversations I've gotten from the SDR. Their words got me thinking and I figured this song was perfect.**

**Very minor spoilers for both Season 10 and Season 9.**

**Pairings: D/V, S/C friendship**

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**Song: Who's That Girl?**

**By: Hilary Duff**

**------------------------------------------------**

_There were places we would go at midnight_

_There were secrets that nobody else would know_

_There's a reason but I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_I thought they all belonged to me_

She missed the days of easy comraderie. Days where one would be in their office studying some device or artifact and the other would come in with a hot, welcome cup of coffee and advice. Days where they could almost sense when one was hurt so that they could offer solace and comfort. Days where it was just the two of them working as a team to discover the hidden properties of some device or artifact brought back by an SG team.

Today, she was sitting in the commissary, alone, thoughtfully sipping a cup of coffee. She grimaced; it was cold. They were sitting across the commissary from her.

Vala had taken Sam's old place across the table from him. Her heart ached when he smiled at something Vala said. That was the smile he used to reserve only for her. It was as if, ever since Sam went to Area 51, Vala had taken her role on SG-1. Hell, they were even teammates now.

It was amazing to Sam the power an outsider had in her life.

_Who's that girl, where's she from_

_No, she can't be the one_

_That you want, that has stolen my world_

_It's not real, it's not right_

_It's not day, it's not night_

_By the way – who's that girl_

_Livin' my life_

It wasn't that Sam had a grudge against Vala or anything. It just hurt to know that the woman had taken her place with Daniel. She was always with him, offering the friendship that was once Sam's to offer. Unintentially, she had been shoved aside by her best friend for a new person. She hoped it was unintentional. Daniel wouldn't purposely do something to hurt her.

No matter what he said against it, Sam knew that it was more than just showing the new girl around campus. It wasn't love; a small attraction, maybe, but not love.

She got up and got another cup of coffee. When she sat back down, a small burning formed behind her eyes. Daniel, who was facing the lunch line, hadn't even seen her. Since when was she one of the people he ignored when he was engaged in conversation? At the very least, she always received a smile or a wave. It seemed Vala had taken her place there, too.

_Seems like everything's the same around me_

_Then I look again and everything has changed_

_I'm not dreaming so I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_I don't know why_

_She's everywhere I want to be_

Sam remembered that soon after Vala had come to the SGC, it had been easy to forget the woman wasn't still with the Ori supporters. It had been a major blow to the gut to see Vala sitting in his office with him, both were deep in conversation about something, or someone—Adria and what to do about here, probably, Sam had assumed—and they hadn't seen her at the door. Daniel's hand was wrapped around a cup of steaming coffee and despite the probable subject, the conversation was sickeningly easy. She walked away and angrily threw the second cup of coffee away: a feat the earned her many surprised glances.

Now, she anticipated the two to come walking around the corner, like personnel had once expected her and Daniel to. What spell had Vala cast over him that made him forget how close they had once been?

_Who's that girl, where's she from_

_No, she can't be the one_

_That you want, that has stolen my world_

_It's not real, it's not right_

_It's not day, it's not night_

_By the way – who's that girl_

_Livin' my life_

Sam was thankful for Cam's arriving at the SGC. Yes, Teal'c was a great friend, but even she found him slightly hard to talk to. Cam wasn't Daniel in the sense that he shared her passionate interest in science, but at least his eyes didn't glaze over during one of her ramblings.

She was extremely glad to realize that Cam was one of the few hardly bothered by Vala. Only on the occations where they were all sitting in the briefing room did Cam seem annoyed by her.

They were beginning to be able to read each other. This was how Sam could see his aggravation when he was around Vala. This was also how he could tell she was bothered by Vala clinging to Daniel. Or at least that she was bothered. He managed to worm the truth out of her not that long ago.

She smiled grimly into her cup. It faded when she observed Daniel chuckling over something Vala said.

_I'm the one who made you laugh_

_Who made you feel and made you sad_

_I'm not sorry for what we did_

_Who we were_

_I'm not sorry I'm not her_

It was hard for Sam to simply dismiss the old friendship as Daniel had apparently done. Even so, friendships changed and people grew apart. It wasn't a reality she was willing to face and yet she knew she had to. It really hurt to know that the relationship she and Daniel shared had to be one of them.

She finished her cup and left the commissary. She knew that Cam was always around to hang out with and, like the old days with Daniel, he always had time for her.

_Friendship,_ she thought absently. Where hers and Daniel's had faltered, hers and Cam's had gotten a little stronger. She had no intention of sitting around and feeling sorry for herself. She would always treasure the loving friendship she and Daniel once possessed, but she wasn't Vala, Daniel's new best friend.

This wasn't an abandonment of each other, she decided, but an expandment of friendship. Cam wasn't Daniel, but she was no Vala, either.

She had no regrets about anything.

-

**Not something I wanted to write, but it's something based off of the sad reality of the new SG-1.**

**R&R**


End file.
